Divorce is one of life’s most challenging experiences but during a pandemic it’s just that much more difficult. For instance, how do you handle custody arrangements when families are supposed to be quarantined? What if you and your ex have different ideas about what is safe? One parent may think that it’s ok to see close family and friends and the other may not be seeing anyone. These situations may make it necessary for divorcing couples to communicate and agree on a temporary custody arrangement that’s different from what the original agreement specifies.
And if you’re still living with your ex, it can be even more complicated. You’re probably having a harder time keeping apart from each other. If there's conflict between you (which there usually is in divorce), how do you keep that away from the children? It sounds like a recipe for disaster.
All of this is stressful for adults, but it’s really stressful for children who don’t understand what’s going on. Following are guidelines to help parents co-parent effectively during the Covid-19 pandemic:
1.Talk to your ex about putting your anger aside for the good of the children. Recognize that this is an emergency and that you need to work together in order for your children to feel better during this stressful time.
2.Together, maybe by Skype, reassure your children that everything’s going to be ok. Ask your children if they’re worried about anything and work together as a family to help each other.
3.Provide consistent routines such as waking up and going to sleep at the same time every day, doing school work at the same time every day, etc. Routines can help children have more stability.
4.Focus on the positives. You probably have more time to spend with your children. Play games, laugh, be in the moment and go outside every day you can. When you pay attention to positives, you have less time and focus on all the things you don’t have control of.
This is a difficult time. It’s ok to put the logistics of divorce on hold right now. Good communication, working as a team with your co-parent and focusing on the positives is more important now than it ever has been. Children need as much support as possible, and they need their parents on the same page. Set aside your differences, at least for the time being, and focus on handling this crisis for the good of you and your children.
Jill Barnett Kaufman, MSW, LCSW and Certified Parent Educator is an experienced clinician who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges and bring more happiness and peace into their lives.