This is the time of year when children are transitioning. Parents are bringing their kids to college, children are starting school and whether it's your first child or your last child, it can be emotional. Throughout a child's life, parents need to let go - when a toddler first learns to walk, the first day of preschool or kindergarten, the first sleepover, the first day of high school - all of these experiences can be difficult for parents to let their children go out on their own. But the more parents can encourage children to be independent, the easier it will be for children to make these transitions.
Children look to us as their role model for many things. If we have a tremendous amount of anxiety or trepidation about our children's independence, children will be able to tell, even if we don't say anything. Talk to a friend or your spouse about your feelings so that you can express your fears and anxieties. If you're still feeling anxious, see a therapist so that you can work through those emotions. It may be bringing up something from your childhood and it may help to have a few sessions with a professional to lessen your anxiousness.
During these transitional times, I encourage parents to ask their children questions - ask them about their feelings about going to high school or leaving for college. Ask them what they're excited for and and what they're nervous about. Ask them how they plan to handle any challenges. After hearing all of their feelings, tell them how confident you are that they are going to be able to handle the experience and give specific examples from their past about how they've handled other difficult situations. This conversation is so important because if children feel that their parents have confidence in them, this can give them the confidence they need to move forward. Letting go of our children is difficult but there's nothing more rewarding for a parent than watching your children conquer a new challenge successfully.
Jill Barnett Kaufman, MSW, LCSW and Certified Parent Educator is an experienced clinician who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges and bring more happiness and peace into their lives.