Setbacks, such as deep sadness or difficult days, are a normal part of getting through divorce. You may be feeling good for a while and then something triggers a strong painful feeling (like a text from your ex). Setbacks can be frustrating and can make you feel helpless. You can feel disoriented and scared about the future. You may feel exhausted, unable to sleep and anxious. You may question if you will ever feel good again.
Although it’s difficult, setbacks are an indication that you’re actually moving forward through your divorce recovery. Some setbacks are small and fleeting while others may be more intense where you don’t see an end to the pain. It’s important to address each setback as it occurs. If you avoid addressing each setback as it comes up, you can remain stuck in the pain or bitterness and it will take longer to move on. Throughout the process of tackling each setback you’ll take another step forward in your healing process.
Here are 6 tools to help you tackle any obstacle that you face:
1.Recognize that you’ve entered a setback and it doesn’t mean that you’re back to square one
2.Instead of distracting yourself so you don’t think about your emotions, really focus on what you’re feeling by journaling or talking to a friend, support group or therapist
3.Start charting your sadness levels twice a day so that you track the setback
4.Make a list of what makes you feel good. Use this list to form your weekly divorce recovery plan.
5.Change your self-talk – stop yourself when you have negative thoughts and replace them with more positive thoughts.
6.Regain control – focus on what you can control and not on what you can’t. You can’t control your ex. You can't control the length of the process. Focus on your plan for your new life, your comeback and what you want in your future.
If you focus on what you can control, it will help you move through your divorce with more confidence. Use the tools above and you will have an easier time facing your setbacks. These strategies will enable you to feel good again and to cherish your new life!
Join our Thriving Through Divorce Online Group Coaching Program here: go.divorcecoachjill.com/thrivingprogram
Jill Barnett Kaufman, MSW, LCSW and Certified Parent Educator is an experienced clinician who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges and bring more happiness and peace into their lives.