Teenagers!

My son just recently had his wisdom teeth removed and he's recovering nicely physically.  But his moods are another story.  I've been biting my tongue and trying to stay calm but if I hadn't gone through this with my two older sons I wouldn't be able to be able to put this phase into perspective.

The teen years can be tough - for parents and for teens.  Hormones are going wild, teens are trying to figure out who they are and there is so much pressure on them to succeed in school and in life.  I wouldn't want to go back to those years for all the money in the world!  

Each child experiences the teen years differently but they all have some kind of adjustment.  I've counseled many parents of teens and teenagers and I've found that the most important thing that a parent can do is to focus on their relationship with the teen.  If the relationship is strong, your teen should be ok.  While it may be difficult to have a good relationship with your teen, here are some tips to help:

1. Don't take it personally.  Whatever they say, however they act, remember it's not personal.  That doesn't mean that you allow them to treat you badly.  But don't overreact.  Simply say, "When you're ready to speak to me respectfully, we can talk."  And walk away.
2. It's normal!  Teenagers typically have some period of time where they are moody or difficult.  It doesn't mean that the teen is a bad kid.  It means that they feel safe in your relationship and they can let their guard down with you.
3. Let the leash out.  Allow your teen some independence.  Let your teen do some things that they weren't allowed to do in the past.  Too much independence probably isn't best because teens can get into trouble.  But the only way your teen will grow into a responsible adult is for him or her to be given responsibility.
4. Tell your teen that you love them no matter what.  A teenager really needs to hear that their parent loves them. And it may be hard to say, especially after your teen is rude to you.  But that's exactly when they need to hear it.  Because they don't feel good about themselves when they're like that.  And if their parent still loves them when they act that way, that means that they aren't so bad.  

​All of this requires a parent to be very patient and to have a lot of self-control.  In order to do that, we need to take care of ourselves.  As I've mentioned in my previous blog posts, it's extremely important for parents to take care of themselves.  So when you find yourself ready to react harshly with your teen, ask yourself, "What can I do right now to take care of myself?"  If you can do this successfully, you'll get through the teen years and have independent, appreciative and happy adult children to laugh about it with!