Tips for Creating a Child-Centered Parenting Plan

When you have children and get divorced, the final agreement must include a parenting plan to clarify what will happen after the divorce regarding the care of the children. A parenting plan outlines the parenting schedule - when each parent will see the children and the logistics of how that will happen. It also covers other relevant issues like how decisions should be made about medical situations, the children’s education and religious affiliation. 

Everything that’s put into the agreement is part of a legal document, the Marital Settlement Agreement or the Separation Agreement, that’s filed with the court. Parents must follow that agreement and can be brought back to court if they don’t.

A child-centered parenting plan is one where you put your children and their wellbeing first. There are many things that get in the way of putting children first like work schedules and significant others. However, when you center the plan around the needs of the children and what’s best for them, it will help create a structure for them to grow into emotionally healthy adults.
Here are some key tips to keep your parenting plan child-centered:

• Don’t base your decisions on how to get back at your ex. Children should not be used as pawns. Even if you’re angry with your ex, you need to put that aside because it’s important for your children’s well-being that they have a strong relationship with both parents.
• Consider your specific children’s needs when making the parenting schedule. Are your children very organized or scattered? Do they need to be with one parent during the week who has more time to help with homework? Do they have a learning disability? All of these things need to be considered when making the parenting schedule.
• Make the parenting plan detailed so that you and your children understand how it all works. Include what will happen when there are holidays, 3 day weekends and vacations and how you’ll communicate about requests for changes.
• Include the right of first refusal. If you need to be away from your children during your parenting time, it’s usually best for them to be with the other parent rather than a babysitter. You can include having the right of first refusal for any minimum amount of time - from a few hours to an overnight. 
• Think about the differences that will occur when children get older. Parenting plans will last until the child turns 18. Many parents think about the current situation and forget to include how the plan works as children grow as they have more after school activities or time with friends. 

It’s helpful to get advice from a divorce coach, therapist or attorney to make sure that  you craft a child-centered parenting plan that will work for you and your children. The work that you put in to making your parenting plan a child-centered plan now is going to pay off in the peace it will bring to your family in the future.