What Do You Do When Your Spouse Says They Want a Divorce?

If your spouse tells you they want a divorce, the first thing that you have to determine is if they’re serious. Many married people talk about divorce but don’t really mean it, which is really bad for a relationship. If your spouse has been doing that, you need to make sure they know that it’s not ok to talk about divorce unless they’re absolutely sure that’s what they want.
 
If your spouse is serious, here are some things that you can do:
 

1. Stay calm. It’s so important to stay calm. When you’re emotional, you say and do things that you may regret. To avoid that, take some deep breaths, go on a walk, meditate, call a friend, play with your kids. Find a way to get peaceful and in the present moment. Once you’re peaceful, you’ll be able to think clearly and determine what your next steps should be.

 

1. See if your spouse is open to getting help. Whether or not you actually go through with divorce, counseling is helpful. When one spouse wants to stay in the marriage and one wants to leave, discernment counseling can help you both work through those difficult emotions. If you’ve both agreed to the divorce, conscious uncoupling is a way to divorce while being amicable. Marriage counseling is for couples who want to work on the marriage.

 

1. Educate yourself. Speak to a divorce coach who can help you develop a plan to get through your divorce. A divorce coach will educate you on the process, help you find appropriate divorce professionals, help you organize your finances and help you take the steps you need to take to get to an agreement with your STBX (soon-to-be-ex).

 

1. Get support. Talk to family or friends that you trust and let them know what’s going on. Join a support group (I run a FB group, Separation and Divorce Support Community) or work with a therapist. There’s a lot of support out there for you.

 
When your spouse tells you they want a divorce, it can be completely overwhelming. Remember to stay calm, educate yourself and get support so that you’ll be able to think clearly and not emotionally and move forward in a constructive way.